why do serial cheaters want to stay married

He didnt have to travel in those circles to find his supply. Of course, at the time I did not know he was cheating on me in fact, I had to hear it from a third party 6 weeks after he broke up with me and I had moved out. Another common reason is anger or frustration at their spouse. How To Get A Girlfriend In Real Life? Serial cheating is more common than you think. Hopefully he will never let his guard down, I know I wont. How long should I wait to text after being left on read? Its not the marriage, its whos in the other half of the marriage. Sometimes those folks who are the life of the party and all affable on the outside are dealing with a lot of demons on the inside and unfortunately you werent privy to those but you can bet the wife was. They may also enjoy the ego boost, or the thrill of sneaking around. They crave attention or an ego boost, so they have an affair. (Only no one will know it!). I did know there was something wrong as after a week of his trip, which was the time she arrived to see her parents, he was being cold and uncaring, which before she got there, he was calling, telling me he loved me, missed me asking about his children etc, then a change just like that. They think they do, they think they know what the wife is all about, but they dont always have a clue. Ohhh really, well this man has just been separated from his wife and she starts having an affair with you, wtf, what do you expect this man to do and say to her, while his emotions are running high. Along with their wives and children, cheating husbands also risk losing money and their social network. Weight loss and improvement in your appearance (sign ). Make sure you have a face to face conversation about the same. 2.No Backup or Exit Plan: One of the main reasons is Serial Cheaters don't have any backup or exit plan to divorce their partner cause they never thought of getting caught. As Sarah recommended , Quiet is an exceptional book. Surviving repeated infidelity may be too much for the betrayed spouse within the context of the marriage. I know you will be happy, and in all honesty, from me to you, your ap, didnt deserve you, you deserve to be with your family, and I know you have had so much guilt, and so many reservations, when it comes to your h and you that has held you back a bit getting closer to your h, but I know you both are turning that around, and it does take time, but I know by what you have said about your h, he really does love you. That's why being betrayed by your spouse is an event from which it can take years to recover. Without those sob stories they know they are nothing more than feral dogs and the relationship is pointless. Low tolerance for deferring gratification: This guy has to have everything now and he cannot see how current actions effect future outcomes. Sure he likes being perceived as Mr. Nice Guy but more so he likes the attention and flattery from the OW. Yet today is the day. I may not always respond, but I read everything you write, because you my friend, are such a good soul. Remember that it doesnt take a genius to mirror back the opinions of the opposite sex. Its still cheating, of course but marriage makes all the difference to me. Women and men need to be called out when they behave unprofessionally. If I were her, I would have probably called you to hear your side. Leave, divorce then single will be for the taking. My only response was, Thats a smart guy.. I am also a marketing copywriter specializing in sales funnels. In short, getting them to change is going to be quite the challenge. Good job. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. My h didnt want to end up alone. Did his wife ever acknowledge your letter to her? Different Opinions Discussed, 6 Signs He Will Cheat Again and 5 that Show Hes Changed, How to Apologize for Cheating on Your Loved One? I learned much later that he took that to mean that I accepted the blame for the whole affair.! Thankyou the I think we have all learned that lesson, I am sure we all need to make sure we dont waste what we have learned. All too often, respect is the one crucial thing that is constantly . If Id had a history of cheating, he would be just another one, and not special;. If thats the case then my bad. Exactly giz, dont drag innocent bystanders down the destructive path, by trying to act single. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to someone's infidelity. The guy was not married either. Your mind is a constant hamster running on a wheel. My husbands whore flat out admitted that it took her a long time to get him to fall. Quite honestly I know exactly how you feel. If your closest friend, lover, and confidante are capable of hiding this second life and all their cheating ways, how can you believe that anything you see is the real deal? He has a lot of natural compassion for people, no matter who they are. I had to stop reading it. I guess these would be the hard core cheaters, the incorrigibles. In his defense, which you wont hear often, lol, I have never heard my husband flirt or act inappropriately with any other woman in public or in my presence. Afterwards, they realize they really do need their wives. Always trying to be entertaining, engaged, funny, etc. Addiction plays a role in their life. Because of that, they're less likely to seek it out again. Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. On the other hand, stranger things have happened and i realize that. Oops, should say say not see. lol . I am fine, I knew along time ago, that she must have had an eye on my h, just by the rumours her h apparently spread about her. I never questioned why he moved to my area. Thanks again for being so honest and thorough about how the affair process worked. 1. Upon discovering that their spouse is a chronic cheater, the betrayed partners emotions, indeed their universe, are entirely turned upside down. He HAS to give her the cold shoulder. It is more fun to pull a nice, clean non-pig down into the mud than to wallow with a pig who is already there. I could never be involved with an addict or alcoholic again. Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. He doesnt want to lose half of his money through a messy divorce. He was stubborn and controlling, threatened suicide, depressed and angry). So you have a fellow introvert here on EAJ as well as a southerner. But, it is sincere on his part. Im not trying to disturb you or upset you in any way . On my last day of work the AP called me into his office and said hed been to SLAA, hed never loved me and that I made men with self esteem problems feel good about themselves. Its important to point out that not every unfaithful spouse has a personality disorder, nor does every spouse with some degree of personality disorder engage in infidelity. I hope this was helpful. Me wondering wtf I had done. I was not able to make decisions about my life or marriage since I was kept in the dark about the third person in the relationship. "Most people are more disturbed by the breaking of trust and the intimacy in the rival' relationship, than whether there is sex involved.". (A Relationship Epiphany), tells Bustle. If youre the unfaithful, get it, read it and carefully consider the advice. Get a confession: While . "It might really be just what you want to hear and not the truth," she says. I also think they get a bigger thrill from being in an affair with a non pig rather than another pig. First I would start with a conversation with my husband. He does not travel without me and never has. Ever. When he is at work, he is always in a jolly mood, he is a team player, and he loves to make small talk about safe topics such as the books he is reading. They may feel unsatisfied in some way. Addictive behavioral tendencies: He could be a diagnosed sex-addict, or he may just be an alcoholic or recreational drug-user. I actually told my h that we should celebrate it as our 21st, because the last two years were a nightmare and just didnt seem to be like we were really married, lol because of his ea, and it felt like we lost two years of our life. I think its important at my stage to never assume they wont again and thats a chance I take everyday. I could not have predicted the way this thread would go a year ago I am bowled over by your compassion! This is deplorable. (Meant with all sarcasm). Although sex addicts have a long standing pattern of using sex as a way to cope with feelings and with life generally, they also typically . Honestly, what I think is ideal is just to feel detached from them. My spidey-senses say that she is a black widow waiting in the wings, planning when to pounce. Many Wives Think Their Cheating Husband Wants To Stay With Them For These Reasons: Many wives who doubt that their husband really wants to stay married will tell you that he's probably staying out of loyalty or because he doesn't want to lose money or financial possessions thorough a divorce. But, in terms of staying or going, I believe that the above knowledge coupled with what your gut tells you to do can help you make the decision. But, the good news is, I am observing a change in society that started to begin in the early 2000s. But rest assured, if you are dating someone who is truly remorseful for their mistake, they likely won't carry that habit with them into the future. When a serial cheater is caught, they will look for different ways to justify their behavior. if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. Hah- I have found that HR honchos rarely read or consider anything that is truly useful. You know, its interesting that a lot of cheaters have sexual dysfunction. Yes she played a huge role as facilitator but he was a willing victim. "Your partner doesn't want you to see their private activity, and therefore is purposefully excluding you from a vital portion of their lives." A heads up to everybody, this article , which is very good endeed, is done in a context that the MAN is the sole perpetrator of this hurting behavior, I am a man and have 15 years of marriage and after our son was borned in 2006, is that I realized who I was married to, All nine traits depicted above, and much more, all executed masterly by my wife, one particular evening I had the need to know why and typed in my computer: profile of people who poison, I was knocked out of my shoes when I read that, it was she, my wife the person I loved so much for so many years, since then I keep investigating and have learned plenty of psico stuff and here is the heads up, women cheat as much as man do and I dare to say even more, beware, most of this people have a tendency to be sociopaths, eventually they will hurt you somehow, maybe a bad meal, some altered eye drops, non friendly shakes, whatch you in your sleep and the cherry of the top is that they will tell to all of her/his friends that YOU are the one doing all those bad deeds, one very good hint for you all, find in the web the hare test dont run away yet, perform the test, if he/she obtain 20 to 30 point then now you HAVE to run away like hell, times have changed my friends. There are many reasons, Dr. Edelman explains. I have always told my h, watch how he talks to women, because they can take it as if he is interested in them. Her finances take a hit. If youre the betrayed, give it to your unfaithful spouse. The lows are low and the highs are high! But, he is still a naturally likable guy and many women misread it. It was amazing to hear the iron-clad lies this guy had and also how devoid of any conscience he was. He remembered that high, that exhilaration of the drug, his drug of choice. Note: Recently, one of the readers asked whether or not there was a way to know if a person who cheated would be a repeat offender. They forget they mess with fire, they will get burnt. Cheaters become addicts, and just like my friend John the crackhead and how he remembered the exhilaration of the high of the drug and just couldnt resist going back to the gutter, the OW may be out of their life and tossed to the curb like yesterdays trash, they will always remember the exhilaration of the high they get. I have a question for you if you do not mind. You make a very good point. I dont think my h would have been so understanding if it was me who betrayed him, so take it as a positive step, at renewing your marriage, renewing that spark that you both had when you first met. If there was no emotional component, he may not even see the harm in the affair. Your AP just doesnt sound like a very nice person, honestly. This is especially true as they get older and wonder whether theyre still desirable. I have been writing for online publications for the last five years, using my background in Psychology to understand human nature. You are investing too much of your self worth in his opinion and what he said or did. I see that introverts are beginning to be valued more (and for MANY good reasons). 2. Their past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. My h says Im v stressed at the mo. Their infidelity will likely have made much more of an impact on them. He has reeled it in a lot over the years in terms of being more cautious around women. They start to rewrite and make up alternative histories to excuse their behavior. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. How do I get rid of whiteheads on my nose naturally? Very openly complimentary. Anyone with half a brain knows that most of us women feel unsure of ourselves in such a situation. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. He was probably crying and begging her like a little school girl not leave his sorry ass! I think one thing bothering me after my husband cheated was that I felt I had to act like someone I wasnt. But if you've caught your partner once and you're wondering if they're going to do it again, these habits can help you figure out which category of cheater they fall under. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. So, my husband is charming like that, but with everyone, even if they are 90-year-old men who are wheelchair bound. Either way his w would have found out the truth! Typical behaviors of a narcissist can include attention-grabbing behavior on social media. There is a saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. You ask yourself if he was capable of covering this up, what else was he covering up? Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning. Now Im moving away to remove myself from all the toxic crap where I am. 1) would have been to be seen. She knows men like that about some woman. Another one of the most common reasons cheating husbands stay married is fear of what they might be losing. Early role modeling involving infidelity: This guy has wounds from his childhood and he has witnessed one or both parents cheating over and over again. If you were the type of ow I had to deal with, I would have thought myself lucky. Talk about not knowing that you dont shit where you eat!!! First, consider where you stand. Thankfully he finally opened his eyes. Nice people. By the time he was ripe for the picking, she knew all she needed to do was get him by himself, where I would not be any where near him, and that was getting him to pay for her ticket to see her family, he feel for it, paid for her ticket, unknown to me, and that was it. Your perspective is an essential part in helping to understand the hows and whys and ultimately how to strengthen all of our marriages. According to Dr. Nelson, the claim, "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't necessarily true. Some unfaithful serial cheaters still do love their partners for some reason. She had actually by this time though, the day he told her to stop, she had told him that she wanted him to leave me, he told her no. Its like they say, misery loves company. Th, I dont place eyes in that category the ow in my life is placed either, I place eyes, in the same rank and position as my h, one that was used by someone who was self serving and manipulative. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them. 7.3K Followers. Why Do Serial Cheaters Want to Stay Married? It was also good of you to write the wife a letter of apology. He continues to cheat. In order to understand why, we need to understand why married men cheat in the first place. A cheater's secrets can often be revealed through their recent calls list, in text messages on their phone, or a private folder in their email. Especially to people like fast food workers, cashiers, etc. Because you havent taken strong steps: Some people are just cheating because their partner hasnt taken any strong steps against them. After that conversation, I found my child and we ran around the play area together. One-time cheaters are less likely to view cheating as a way to get an adrenaline rush.

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